Real Life Comic Book Guy

Movie #17 of the year, The Raid: Redemption.
Typically the best time (the less crowded theater) to go see an R-Rated movie on the weekend, particularly an action movie, is in the morning before noon, because most adults like to sleep on the weekend. And this Saturday was no different, but I had forgotten one other thing — besides movie obsessed people like me the other type of people who go to R-Rated action movies (particularly foreign, subtitled action movies) are losers.

Picture him, only fatter and with black hair.

He was large (without a question obese) and waddled, had long, unwashed hair, facial hair grown out out of pure laziness and wore a jacket that was a decade old (in which he stuffed probably a grocery cart’s worth of food) and before the movie started he mistook the AMC theaters in Century City as an urban art house and helplessly yelled for someone to fix the blue-tinted projector (By the way, 1. there is no projectionist standing up in the booth there to hear such hollering and 2. if there were a projectionist up there they wouldn’t be able to hear anything in the theater.) He sat in the very front row, center, which, at first, I thought was a good thing; I wouldn’t be near his smell or catch sight of any disgusting habits. But then the movie started and from seven rows back, I could hear him. It wasn’t just the endless unwrapping of wrappers while he was binging; he was reading each subtitled line as it flashed on screen — only reading isn’t the correct word — he was  in character saying the lines! Since it was an Indonesian martial arts film, this also meant he was saying them with racist Asian accents (and gusto.)

If I were violent and had a gun, I’d be the guy on
the right and he’d be the guy on the left.

Fortunately for me and the other half dozen patrons in the theater, it being a loud action movie, the fat comic book guy’s words were muffled by explosions, bullets and karate kick sound effects.   In addition to his in person verbal close-captioning, this comic book guy also would reply to lines characters said in the movie, for instance when one cop yelled, “Stop!” He shouted back, “Yeah, right. Run!”  And then he laughed obnoxiously like a child. I’m 99% certain that he wasn’t mentally handicapped (I would not rant about someone with those conditions) but I will say he was special.

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